Its Actually Okay to Distance Yourself from Toxic People

We often look outward to benchmark our current state and determine what areas we need to improve.

This outward look is often towards someone already successful in the area we are trying to improve. 

This could include a famous author, podcaster, businessman/woman, athlete, movie star, or religious leader. The list is endless. 

I firmly believe that learning from others is extremely important. Many people do not know what good looks like until they see it. 

In our life journey, we often encounter people who impact us in different ways. The goal is to surround yourself with people who challenge you to become a better version of yourself. They should uplift and inspire you to focus on your personal growth. Their positive support can help fuel your ambition, boost your confidence, and help you reach new heights in your journey to success.

You must choose your circle of friends and mentors wisely.

While some people uplift and inspire us, others drain us and hinder our attempts at self-improvement and growth. Some people want to damage us, so we must recognize and eliminate toxic people quickly.

People often have extremely strong personalities, and we spend too much time trying to deal with them or changing our goals or aspirations to become stronger than them so we can deal with them. 

These people are toxic, and we must escape from them.

It is okay to eliminate toxic people from your life and instead focus on your goals, growth, and success.

I have experienced this specifically concerning politics. I strongly believe everyone should be free to express their political beliefs constructively. I also believe having people in your life whose political views conflict with yours is good. This exposes us to opposing views and pushes us to have better critical thinking. 

In some situations, people can take their political views to extremes, and the discussion can become toxic. This is usually when people attack you based on your political beliefs and resort to generalizations, name-calling, or character assassinations. None of this is valuable. It hinders development, learning, and critical thinking and distracts you from your goals of growth and success.

Quickly set boundaries or say goodbye. 

What does a Toxic Person look like?

Toxic people are those who consistently bring negativity, stress, or harmful emotions into our lives.

Distance yourself from toxic people. 

I firmly believe that their goal in life is to damage you, and often, they will demonstrate manipulative, controlling, or abusive behaviors. The presence in your life creates distraction, loss of focus, extreme emotional turmoil, and self-doubt. 

They can come from anywhere. 

They can be friends.

They can be family members. 

They can be colleagues at work.

They could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.

Impacts of Toxic People in our Circle

Regardless of the relationship. Toxic people can have a profound negative impact on us.

• Toxic people can be exhausting, leading to mental and emotional drain. This mental and emotional drain steals energy away, making it more difficult to focus on your primary mission and goals in life. Constant negativity, distraction, criticism, and manipulative tactics can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. If you are continuously exposed to this behavior, focusing on activities that lead to personal growth and success becomes increasingly challenging.

• When dealing with toxic people, especially close family members or individuals we consider trusted mentors, we can erode confidence and self-worth. Toxic people may downplay our achievements and often belittle us in the process. They will question our abilities, and if the individual is a trusted member of your circle, we will, in turn, start to question our own abilities, leading to a reduction in self-confidence. Over time, they can erode our confidence and self-esteem, making it difficult to pursue our goals with conviction.

I worked for a small software company in Tokyo, Japan, many years ago. One day, my boss took me out to lunch and began to tell me how much of a failure I was. 

I was not capable of the role I was in. 

I did not understand the products I was supporting, and I did not have what it took to be successful in my role. 

I could have let this individual define my self-worth and, in turn, limit my future in Japan.

After first hearing this, I felt an immediate loss of confidence. I left the office and started thinking contrary to my goal of a successful career in Japan. From that one conversation, my thought process changed from "I will be successful in Japan" to "Maybe it is time to leave Japan."

I immediately tried to turn those negative thoughts into positive energy and focused on getting away from that individual and company as soon as possible. The positive energy allowed me to quickly update my resume and secure a new role with a company I spent sixteen years with.

• Toxic people hinder personal growth. Personal growth, development, and success require a supportive environment. I talk about this in detail in my post Building Meaningful Friendships. This is becoming a bit repetitive, but toxic people create a toxic atmosphere that stifles everything you need to be successful. This includes ambition, creativity, and motivation. These people's negative influence does not create an environment that encourages calculated risk-taking. Risk-taking is critical to building experience through trial and error and learning from our mistakes. It is this experience that helps us become successful and maintain success. Without a positive environment in which to take risks, we will not explore new opportunities and may never realize our full potential. 

• Toxic relationships consume a significant amount of time and energy. Instead of focusing on things that will help you win the day, you are tangled up in today's drama. The next emotional whirlwind is just around the corner, leaving little room for self-improvement or achieving your goals. 

Benefits of Showing Toxic People the Exit Door

The previous section discussed all the negative aspects of having toxic people in our lives. What benefits can we see if we stand our ground and find the strength to show toxic people the express exit door from our lives?

• Removing toxic people from our lives will help with our mental clarity and focus. Without all the distractions consuming your time and draining you emotionally, we can better focus our thoughts and emotions on the things that help us grow as individuals. We can regain the energy required to build new skills and focus on the challenges that truly help us become successful. Eliminating these distractions helps create an environment that lets us focus and have clarity on purpose and goals. It re-establishes the bandwidth necessary to pursue our aspirations. 

• If you eliminate people from your life who always put you down and attack your capabilities and instead surround yourself with positive and supportive people, you will see a boost in your self-esteem and confidence. If we distance ourselves from personalities that bring us down, we can start to believe in ourselves, our abilities, and our worth. This newfound confidence creates a foundation that empowers us to take bold steps toward our goals and dreams. 

• A toxic-free environment helps foster creativity and motivation. Without the distractions and emotional drain typically caused by bad relationships, we can channel our energy into meaningful activities and projects. This increased focus is essential for our personal and professional development.

• Having toxic people in our lives creates stress that can take a toll on our physical health. It is logical to assume that if you eliminate these toxic people from your life, you will gain better physical health. By eliminating these people, you are reducing stress, leading to better sleep, immune function, and overall well-being. Additionally, since you are not wasting all your time, focused on the damage these people bring into your life, you will have more time to go for nice walks outside, hikes in nature, and time at the gym, leading to better physical health.

• You can form a better support system. Referring again to my blog post, Building Meaningful Friendships, if you surround yourself with a network of positive and encouraging people, you have a better chance of navigating the challenges you face in life. While everyone is responsible for building the experience necessary to become successful, learning from a positive group of people can help you on your journey.

How the Heck Do I Get Rid of Them?

That is a good question. 

I will not mislead you into thinking that I am the world's expert on eliminating toxic people from our lives. 

Toxic people are defined as toxic for a reason. 

They make everything about our lives difficult, including getting rid of them.

There are some hints I have found in my research that can help eliminate toxic people from our lives.

• Identify toxic behaviors. It is important to identify toxic behaviors and individuals in your life. Identification is the first critical step in identifying people who consistently bring negativity, drama, and emotional distress. 

Sometimes, it is difficult to identify behavior as toxic. Toxic infers that the behavior is outright bad. 

What about the case where a parent or other family members are doing things out of love and the best interest of those around them? One example would be a parent who provides too much financial support to their children. 

These are actions done out of love, but is the behavior limiting their kids' ability to build the experience necessary to be successful at living on their own? Would the child have enough self-awareness to recognize that this wonderful gift of financial support could be limiting their growth and that it would be better to walk away and build their own path to success? 

It would be very difficult to eliminate this behavior from your life.

In general, recognizing the behaviors of individuals in your life, good or bad, that limit you is critical to your future growth and success. Patterns of manipulation, criticism, and abuse are easy to identify, and it is easy to trust your instincts when someone consistently makes you feel drained or unhappy.

• Set clear boundaries. Establishing boundaries in your life is critical. You must learn to find your voice and be assertive about what you will not tolerate. It is not always possible to physically eliminate toxic people from your lives. You cannot just pack up and say goodbye to gift-giving parents. 

I hope I am not confusing the situation by mixing up actual toxic people with gift-giving parents. I believe my readers are smart enough to understand my point. People on both ends of the spectrum, too bad and too good, can both limit our ability to grow as individuals. 

We need to communicate our limits assertively and be prepared to enforce them. These boundaries are essential to maintaining our mental and emotional well-being, which in turn ensures that our time and energy are spent on things that allow us to be focused on what is important to us.

• Limit interaction. It is not always possible, especially if there are toxic people in your workspace, but do what you can to limit exposure to the toxic people in your life. If possible, hit the easy button and eliminate them. By gradually or permanently distancing yourself from toxic people, you will minimize their impact on your life. This, in turn, will allow you to focus on your goals and aspirations. 

• Communicate Directly. Okay, this is a hard one; most people will not want to do this. Sometimes, you can turn a person's toxic behavior around by just having a conversation. You may find cases when the person creating emotional stress in your life understands the impact of what they are doing; they adjust to help eliminate that stress from your life. Other people are just assholes and will double down to make you even more miserable. Regardless, honesty and clarity are important. Communicating in difficult situations and saying no to bad behavior is a superpower that everyone should try to add to their skill stack.

• Seek Support. One easy way to limit time and distance yourself from toxic people is to crowd them out and surround yourself with supportive people. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift and inspire you. If you surround yourself with positivity and encourage people with a vested interest in your success, you will find that you would rather spend time celebrating success and navigating new challenges versus dealing with the drama toxic people can bring into your life.

• Focus on Self-Improvement. All of these items are related, but the general idea is that if you are focused on your self-improvement and success, you will naturally start to make less time for the people in your life doing things that will hold you back. By focusing all your energy on personal growth and self-development, you prioritize yourself over the drama toxic individuals are trying to create in your life. As you create a more successful and fulfilling life, you will not want to make time for the things that are distracting you.

• Stay consistent. This means staying consistent with everything mentioned above that drives you towards self-improvement and success. Be consistent when dealing with toxic individuals. Remain focused on those leading you towards a fulfilling and successful life. Do not let the bad behavior of others see you back into toxic relationships or situations. 

Conclusion

Eliminating toxic people from your life is not easy, but it is critical if you want to develop personally and become successful. You are creating a foundation for growth, creativity, and achievement by eliminating your life's mental negativity and hardness. Your well-being, happiness, growth, and success should always be your priority. Surround yourself with people who want to bring out the best in you and watch how you start to flourish in every aspect of your life.

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