Just Start Engaging With Your Kids

Last night, I posted a quick, personal, daily success story on Instagram. I had just spent that last hour cutting the lawn with a 30-pound ruck in 95+ degree heat.

I was a sweaty mess, but I had really accomplished something, and after a light dinner and a shower, I was feeling really good.

My son approached me and said, "Hey dad, will you go out and play catch with me?" I responded, "I just took a shower, so no." What an absolute failed dad moment. Yes, I was tired. Yes, I had taken a shower. Yes, it was the end of the day. Only so many years are left that my son will want to play catch with me. I, like a big idiot, said no.

This would be a great time to remind myself of five things I can do each day to better engage with my boys.

Happy reminder. It is not necessary to do all of these items each day. It is a list of suggestions that I have had some success with.

1. Have Regular Conversations—Set aside time to talk to your kids each day. Do not just talk at them; actively listen to what they have to say. They will amaze you, and don't be surprised if you learn a thing or two from them. Figure out about their day, their interests, and what they are feeling. Also, be prepared to have a plan B. There is a good chance they will piss you off when you try to talk about them. Like you, they will often have better things to do.

2. Play Together - I just posted about this a few weeks ago. I am so disappointed that I blew my kid off last night. I wrote a whole blog about Getting Off You Butt and Play with You Kids. I did not listen to my advice. I will repeat what I should have done. Participate in your kid's games or activities. In this case, I should have played catch. Even five or ten minutes would have been a win.  Remember that play is not just fun and games; it's a vital part of a child's development. Engaging in imaginative play or board games can help strengthen family bonds and improve communication skills.

3. Learn Something New Together - I love this one because all of us should be trying to learn new things every day. Why not teach your kids to do this at a young age? Why not make it an activity you do together? Pick a new hobby or skill to learn together. It could be learning a musical instrument, gardening, or coding. What about doing something difficult for both of you? Imagine the valuable life experience you could transfer to your child by letting them observe you learning something new that you are uncomfortable with. Better yet, let them see how you deal with failure. I cannot imagine a better gift you can give your child than helping them learn the value of creating valuable life experiences through failure. That will stick with them for a lifetime.

4. Exercise Together - Regular exercise is essential for you and your child's health. It does not have to be pumping iron or running a marathon. Try to teach them the benefit of taking regular walks or bike rides together. Please encourage them to play in different sports activities. My oldest loves baseball. While it is not exactly exercising together, I have been taking him to a professional baseball coach. We are both learning a lot together. Every week, we learn something new about baseball that we did not know before. He is having a blast, and we are having much fun talking about what we learned from each lesson. He is getting the exercise in that case.

5. Start a Family Book Club - This may be difficult because of the different reading levels in the family. I do find time to read with my kids. It used to be reading books to them. I remember there was a period of about four months when thousands of miles separated us. When the family moved back to the US, I came back first to start working and find a place to live. My wife and boys had to stay in Japan to work through my wife's visa and sell our house. I did a lot of remote book reading using Facetime. Now that the family is together and the boys are a bit older, we read different books. Sometimes, it is just good to sit together in silence, too.

These are just a few off-the-cuff ideas on how to engage your kids better. The first thing is not to be a selfish idiot like I was and prioritize a shower over 30 minutes of playing catch with your kid.

Our time is the most precious gift we can give our kids. Start making this an effort today to make this a priority.

The Day Warrior