Lead by Example, Not Just Words

One of my best bosses, who mentored me in many ways, taught me this fundamental lesson about action—executing and delivering what you committed to doing.

"Say way you do, do what you say."

This was my first foray into clearly stating what you will do and coming through and delivering on what you said you would do.

There are so many common phrases that capture this concept:

“Let Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words”

“Be the Standard You Talk About”

“Talk Less, Do More”

“Walk the Path You Expect Others to Follow”

“Live the Message Before You Share the Message”

“Be the Example You Wish You Had”

“Talk is cheap—your actions are the real currency.”

But action? That’s where the change begins.

In a world full of advice, content, and noise, people don’t need more words—they need a living example of what discipline, strength, growth, and integrity look like in real life.

The goal is not to be perfect.

The goal is also not to be not to be loud and obnoxious.

The goal is to build systems and increase your talent stack, to be consistent in your execution—even when it’s difficult, inconvenient, or unnoticed.

Leading by example isn’t just about inspiring others.

It’s about becoming the kind of person you said you would be.

And that’s the path to getting a little better every day.

Why This Matters

Words are powerful.

They inspire, they instruct, and they plant seeds of possibility. The right words at the right time can shift a mindset, open a door, or spark a movement.

Words have inspirational value, but here is the truth: words alone are not enough.

How many of you have had the experience of giving your kids a speech every night about working hard or getting good grades?

How many of you have lectured a co-worker on the importance of delivering what you promised to a customer?

How many of you have tried to coach a youth baseball team to show up to practice in shape and prepared?

Our words can teach, but our actions are proof.

We could continue to tell our kids about hard work and grades every night, but what if we could show them what focus looks like when we work, respond, and lead with clarity?

We could continue to tell our co-workers to deliver what we promise, but what better way to demonstrate this than by showing what on-time execution and delivery look like by showing up on time every day to work and meeting your commitments to customers and co-workers?

What better way to show what it means to be in shape and be prepared for your youth baseball team than showing up to your practices in the best shape of your life and well-prepared? You have all experienced that sports coach telling you all about the best way to become a star when they obviously have not been to the gym in the last decade or two.

People remember what they see far more than what they hear.

When your actions match your message, it builds trust.

Your actions set the standard, especially when leading your family, your team, or yourself. They signal what’s acceptable, what’s possible, and what’s expected.

When we lead by example, we set a standard.

Not just for others—but for ourselves.

It’s one of the most potent forms of self-improvement because it forces alignment between what we believe and how we live.

That’s why this matters so much in getting better every day. Every choice, every habit, and every small example you live out reinforces who you are and what you stand for.

You Kids Are Watching

My newsletters and X posts focus on getting a little better every day and on becoming the best fathers (parents) we can be. 

Leading by example is critical to teaching our kids.

One of the most important places we must lead by example is at home—with our kids.

Our children learn far more from what we do than what we say. You can give a thousand lectures on honesty, respect, discipline, or hard work—but if your actions don’t back it up, the message won’t stick.

They’re watching how you:

• Handle stress

• Treat others (especially your wife, their mom)

• React to failure

• Manage time and responsibilities.

• Talk about your goals—and whether you act on them.

• Manage money

• Hard word

• Values, morality, courage, strength and honesty

Thee list is endless.

We are their first model of what “being an adult” looks like.

We are not just raising kids—we are raising future adults.

Don’t just tell them what kind of person to be—show them.

When We wake up early, keep our word, exercise discipline, and own our mistakes, our children learn what integrity looks like.

When we lose our temper but come back to apologize, they learn what humility and accountability look like.

When we pursue our goals with focus, they learn what it means to take responsibility for their future.

They may not say it—but they’re absorbing everything.

Being present, leading by example, and executing consistently have more influence than you’ll ever know.

Lead your kids not with perfection but with intention.

Show them what living with strength, purpose, and integrity means.

What Happens When You Lead by Example

Here’s what you unlock when your actions do the talking:

• Personal Integrity - You stop feeling like a fraud. No more pretending. No more inconsistency. You start building internal strength because your inner world matches your outer actions.

  Years ago, I was living in the U.S., but I had a vision—a belief that I would one day build a successful international career in Japan. I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t have all the answers. But I knew who I wanted to become.

  I studied the culture.
  

  I worked hard.
  

  I did the research.
  

  I stayed focused.
  

  I built skills, knowledge, relationships, and habits that moved me closer—even when the destination felt out of reach.

  That wasn’t just ambition. That was integrity—living in alignment with my internal compass.

  I wasn’t pretending. I wasn’t hoping someone else would make it happen.

  I was becoming the person I believed I could be.

  Eventually, that vision became reality.

  The win wasn’t just arriving in Japan—it was the journey of building a life where my inner belief matched my daily behavior. That’s what personal integrity looks like.

  Instead of just talking about it, I aligned my actions with my vision.

• Trust and Influence - Whether it’s your family, coworkers, friends, or community—people respect action. They remember what you did. And they’re more likely to follow your lead if they see you’re already walking the path.

  Throughout my career—especially in Japan—I’ve always believed that the team's success comes first.

  I have always found joy in seeing the team win, not just in personal recognition. For me, leadership has never been about being in the spotlight. It’s about creating an environment where everyone can succeed, grow, and feel valued.

  I made it a point to show up daily with that mindset—supporting others, celebrating their wins, and making decisions based on what’s best for the group, not just myself.

  Many of my team members who were used to operating from a title, hierarchy, a place of ego, or individual gain didn’t understand it. They struggled to lead by putting trust in the team.

  Over time, they saw how effective it was. They saw how the team performed better, how people respected each other more, and how trust was built.

  And something started to shift:
  

  They began following my example.
  

  Not because I told them to—but because they witnessed the results of putting the team first.

• Momentum and Discipline - The more you act, the more confidence you build. You stop relying on motivation. You start relying on systems, routines, and habits. This leads to compound growth—faster progress and more substantial results.

  The Day Warrior is a prime example of this. For years, this was just a concept in my mind. When I turned my thoughts into action, something happened. I started to execute. I created content. I began to develop followers online. I published my first book (you are reading it right now).

  I built the systems and habits that created the momentum and discipline required to improve every day.

• Peace of Mind - You sleep better when you align with your values. You stop second-guessing. You stop living in regret. You gain clarity and peace because you know you showed up fully.

  It wasn't an easy choice when I decided to leave a successful international career in Asia and return to the U.S.. It may have looked like I was walking away from opportunity on paper. But in my heart, I knew I was walking toward something far more important—my family.

  I chose to realign my life with what mattered most: being present for my wife and kids, building something meaningful at home, and living according to the values I talk about every day—discipline, integrity, and purpose. I wanted to give my boys the opportunities I had growing up in the United States.

  There were doubts, of course. There were moments when the transition felt uncertain. There was some sorrow about leaving our home, family, and friends in Japan, but I never lost sleep over the decision—because I knew I was living in alignment with my deepest values. (Maybe I lost a few nights of sleep).

  I didn’t just talk about putting family first—I proved it with action.

  Because of that, I gained something hard to explain but easy to feel: peace of mind.

How to Put This Into Action

This isn’t about being a superhero. It’s about doing the work quietly, consistently, and honestly—even when no one’s watching.

How would you have reacted in this situation?

I made an online pick-up-in-store purchase at a big box sporting goods store about three weeks ago. It was not a small purchase, about $300. I picked up the item the same day. 

About a week later, I started getting emails that I had not yet picked up my order. They did not mark that I had picked up the order in their system. I immediately knew what this meant. I had the opportunity to get a free $300 because if I had just waited, the order would have been refunded to me. After all, I never picked it up.

I was in the store again this week to purchase something else. After I completed the purchase, I walked up to the service counter and told them they forgot to mark my order as "picked up." I had expected more of a thank-you for not ripping the store off, but not much of a reaction from the employee.

How would the rest of you have reacted? Would you have allowed the store's mistake to play out and get a refund, or would you have let them know they screwed up?

In my situation, the first reaction is to have integrity and act honestly.

No one was watching.

I could have easily kept the $300.

Here’s how you get started:

1. Choose Your Standard. Pick one principle that matters most to you—discipline, patience, honesty, integrity, hard work, or presence. Then, ask, "What would this look like in my daily actions?”

Pick that one principle that defines the person you want to become:

• Discipline — Showing up no matter how you feel.

• Patience — Trusting the process and not rushing results.

• Honesty — Speaking and acting with truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Integrity — Doing the right thing, especially when no one would know otherwise.

• Hard work — Take pride in your effort, not just your outcomes.

• Presence — Being fully engaged in the moment, not distracted by noise. Great one for parents!

Defining the standard is not enough. Everyone can pick a principle by which they want to define themselves.

The key is turning it into action.

For example:

• If you value presence, put your phone away at dinner.

• If you value health, stop skipping workouts.

• If you value leadership, listen more and complain less.

This principle came to life when I noticed a purchase at a sporting goods store had been incorrectly processed in my favor.

I had a moment of pause.

If I had left the error uncorrected, no one would have known. I could have profited quietly from the mistake.

But then I thought, what is the honest way to handle this?

What would I teach my kids about integrity if they were with me right now?

The answer was clear.

Integrity means doing what’s right, not what’s convenient.

I corrected the error—not just for the store but also for myself and my example. My kids weren’t with me, but in my mind, they always were. Every action is a lesson, whether spoken or unspoken.

2. Audit Your Actions. Take an honest look at your behavior. Where are your words louder than your actions? Where do you tell others what to do—but don’t follow through yourself?

This isn’t about shame—it’s about awareness. Growth starts with getting real. No improvement can happen until you recognize the gaps between what you say and what you live.

We all have areas like this. Even as someone who encourages others to face their fears, learn from their mistakes, and constantly adjust their path to success, I’ve had to confront this myself.

For years, I spoke openly about taking risks and embracing uncertainty. I encouraged others to step outside their comfort zones to pursue growth.

But when it came time to decide to leave the familiar success of my career in Japan and return to the U.S. for my family, I felt that gap staring right at me.

I could have stayed comfortable. Safe. Predictable.

But I asked myself: Am I living the message I share with others? Am I facing my fears, adjusting my journey, or just talking about it?

That honest audit made the answer clear.

The hard choice wasn’t just the right choice—it was the only choice if I wanted to live with integrity.

I chose to align my actions with my words.

I embraced uncertainty, adjusted my journey, and faced the fear of starting over.

And because of that, I now speak from experience, not theory.

My message is no longer just words—it’s lived truth.

Be honest with yourself. Close the gaps. Become the living proof of your message.

3. Practice Consistency Over Perfection

Perfection is a trap.

We should not be seeking perfection. We should be seeking progress.

We should be seeking consistency.

It’s easy to think that leading by example means never making mistakes—you must be flawless every day for people to respect you.

But the truth is, that’s an impossible standard.

You will make mistakes.

We all do.

That’s not failure—that’s being human.

It is how you approach your failures that is critical.

What matters is not whether you stumble but how you respond when you do.

Do you fear even trying because you might make a mistake?

Do you reframe mistakes as opportunities to learn?

Do you learn from the mistakes you make and make adjustments to your systems and plans?

Regroup and stop chasing the illusion of perfection—chase consistency.

Consistency builds trust.

It builds strength, resilience, and long-term results.

It proves to yourself and others that you’re in this for the long haul, not for fleeting moments of glory.

There were moments in my career, especially when building a life and business between countries, where things didn’t go according to plan. There were days when the results didn’t come, doubt crept in, and I questioned the path.

But I kept showing up.

Not because I felt perfect or prepared every day—but because I had committed myself.

Progress over perfection. Always.

The people around me saw that.

They saw the effort on the tough days. They saw that I didn’t fold when things got hard.

They saw consistency in action—not perfection, but persistence.

That’s what builds trust.

That’s what earns respect.

That’s what inspires others to follow your lead.

4. Be the Calm in the Chaos

Chaos is everywhere.

Deadlines pile up.

Unexpected problems hit.

Plans fall apart.

It’s easy to get swept away by it all—to let frustration, fear, or anger take over.

But this is where we need to separate ourselves from the crowd.

In moments of chaos, your calm becomes your superpower.

When you remain steady under pressure, you become the anchor for your family, your team, and your own mindset.

You turn panic into poise.

You turn uncertainty into clarity.

Most people around you want to stay calm—but they don’t know how.

They take their cues from you. If you lose your center, so will they. But if you stay grounded, they feel it. They borrow strength from your example.

Your calm is contagious. It is your superpower.

I lived this in a way I’ll never forget.

I was in Tokyo when the Tohoku earthquake and tsunami hit in 2011.

This isn’t a story of bravery—I felt the same fear everyone else did.

It is a story about how I chose to behave.

I remember it clearly. I was sitting at an outdoor Starbucks, waiting for a business meeting with my boss and a tech vendor.

Suddenly, a low rumble started beneath our feet. My boss and I looked at each other and noted—there’s no subway line under us.

The realization hit fast: this was an earthquake.

We immediately moved inside to avoid any falling debris or glass from the skyscrapers around us. Fortunately, there was no visible damage, but we knew we needed to get out of the city—fast.

Heading to the underground parking garage to get my car, I felt a very real fear.

Aftershocks were hitting, and I wondered if the structure above me would hold.

I quietly thought: If it collapses, will I have time to realize it before it’s over?

I reached my car and began the journey home.

What was usually a 30-minute commute turned into an 8-hour-long journey.

(Survival tip: Always keep at least half a tank of gas in your car.)

What I experienced that day was internal. No one saw my private fears.

In the weeks that followed, my role as a leader became clear.

Tokyo wasn’t heavily impacted, but the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant shutdown led to rolling blackouts. That wasn’t the real problem, though.

The fear was. My fear was.

No one knew what was happening at the nuclear facility.

Everyone was asking the same quiet, terrifying question: Are we all going to die a slow, radioactive death from a complete meltdown?

Foreigners began fleeing the country in waves.

American friends of mine relocated to Osaka or even out of Japan entirely to create distance.

I attended emergency briefings at the American Chamber of Commerce.

Even the State Department and U.S. military representatives couldn’t provide clear guidance.

Inside my own company, I sat in meetings with international teams who were just as fearful. They said they would do everything they could to support us, but even they carried uncertainty in their voices.

Then came the decision point.

With his connections at the State Department, my boss had arranged for foreign staff and our families to evacuate via military transport to Korea. Just three foreigners were in our Japan office: my boss, another "Long-term Japan Guy" like me who had built a life in Japan, and myself.

I want to say my decision to stay was driven by bravery—but honestly, bravery had little to do with my decision. Japan was my home. My family was there. My friends were there. My life was there.

I wasn’t going to leave.

All three of us decided to stay.

That was how I chose to lead by example.

There was a person on my technology team who left his own family in Tokyo and lived in a hotel in Gunma for three weeks to help manually reboot our servers during the rolling blackouts to keep our production running.

What a sacrifice.

I couldn’t, in good conscience, abandon him—or the rest of my team.

We never had to speak about it out loud.I hope my decision to stay when others chose to leave positively impacted those around me.

I hope they saw that calmness isn’t the absence of fear—it’s the choice to lead despite it.

I was not calm inside, far from it.

I tried my best to show calm in the chaos so others could find their footing.

Final Message: Be the Proof

Don’t worry about being loud.

Don’t worry about being liked.

Just be the proof that it’s possible to live with strength, discipline, and integrity.

People don’t need a lecture.

They need someone to look at and say: “That’s how it’s done.”

That’s what being a Day Warrior is all about.

One action at a time.

One example at a time.

One day better—every day.

Let’s go.

The Day Warrior

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