Dad Hack: Discipline is Passing Down More Than Just Your Name

It is Sunday morning.

Pushing my way through a bit of writer's block.

It is not an issue of a lack of ideas, but rather a problem of having a little too much time on my hands.

It is more of an issue of trying to focus, find my discipline, hold myself accountable, and use my time wisely.

When I hit these moments where discipline is a challenge, I think about my kids and the following Dad Hack: Discipline is Passing Down More Than Just Your Name.

Our kids aren’t just watching what we say—they’re watching what we do, especially when no one’s holding us accountable.

That’s discipline.

That’s accountability.

It teaches our children: Success doesn’t come from luck—it comes from showing up daily, even when you don’t feel like it.

It teaches our kids to grow into responsible, disciplined adults.

As fathers, we’re not just raising kids—we’re raising future men and women who will carry our values, habits, and standards into the world.

One of the most important lessons we can teach: Commitment to legacy.

For my wife and me, that means ensuring our sons remain connected to their Japanese roots.

Language is more than communication—it’s identity, culture, history.

It’s family.

Not because it’s easy.

But because it matters.

We want Japanese to be part of their talent stack—a skill that shapes how they think, connect, and navigate the world.

The Japan Connection

I have written about this in past newsletters.

The bulk of my adult career, twenty-two years, was spent living in Japan and traveling all over Asia Pacific.

It was, and still is, an incredible set of experiences and accomplishments that have defined who I am today and who I will still become.

It opened up opportunities and challenges I would have never faced had I stuck at my programming job in Michigan.

This ability to embrace multiple cultures and languages is an invaluable skill that should be added to everyone's talent stack.

Embracing multiple cultures and languages isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a force multiplier.

Here’s why:

1. It’s a Discipline of Openness:

Learning a new language or culture demands humility, patience, and consistency. It forces you out of your comfort zone—into unfamiliar terrain. It creates a path where you seeking discomfort is a norm and you learn to grow from it.

2. It Sharpens Your Perspective:

When you understand other cultures, you stop seeing the world through just one lens. You develop empathy, clarity, and the ability to connect across divides—whether in business, relationships, or leadership. That’s real power.

Before moving to Japan, my mental frame was only of Michigan. The extent of my travel was Canada and a few States in the US. Heck, even traveling to Ohio was an adventure.

3. It Strengthens Your Talent Stack:

I frequently discuss skill stacking or talent stacking in my newsletters and books. Language and cultural fluency add depth to every other skill—whether you’re negotiating, leading teams, or raising a family in a global world. These aren’t just skills—they’re differentiators. They set you apart in a unique and valuable way.

4. It Teaches Adaptability:

To survive and thrive in another culture, you must adapt without losing yourself. That builds resilience, confidence, and situational awareness—all key traits of a grounded warrior.

5. It’s a Legacy Skill:

Your kids are watching. When they see you respect and embrace other cultures, they learn humility, respect, and a sense of curiosity. That’s a legacy worth passing down.

So yes—add it to your stack. Just remember, it’s not about being impressive. It’s about being useful, impactful, and ever-evolving.

It is All About the Kids

It really is about your kids. Your legacy.

Both my boys were born in Japan.

They are now ages nine and eleven, but when we moved back to the US, they were four and six.

I often watch home videos from those years, and I am amazed how my sons were speaking Japanese most of the time.

When we moved back to the United States, they immediately switched to nearly 100% English.

My youngest quickly started to forget his Japanese, and my oldest was barely holding on to it.

As parents, my parents and I did not want the boys to lose their Japanese language skills. We wanted it to be a permanent part of their talent stacks.

The Cleveland Solution

Our first stint in the US was in Cleveland.

Close to Michigan.

Close to family.

Not far from Detroit Metropolitan Airport, which made trips back to Japan relatively easy.

My boys quickly adjusted to the American way of life.

School, friends, television, and sports all push the 100% towards the American way and English.

This was not a bad thing, but we did not want them to lose their Japanese language.

We started to look for solutions.

We found a Japanese program that subsidizes schools in America for children of Japanese expatriates, which is centered around the Hoshū jugyō kō (補習授業校), often referred to as hoshūkō.

These are supplementary Japanese schools established abroad, including in the United States, to provide Japanese-language education and maintain academic standards for children of Japanese families living overseas.

Hoshū jugyō kō are weekend or supplementary schools that help Japanese children keep up with the curriculum they would follow in Japan, ensuring a smoother transition if they return to Japan or simply to maintain their language and cultural ties.

The schools are primarily aimed at children of Japanese nationals temporarily residing abroad. Still, they also serve permanent residents and dual citizens who wish to maintain their Japanese language skills and cultural identity.

Finding the school required much discipline. We could have easily just focused on our new career and life in Japan.

My wife and I have a significant sense of accountability related to our kids' education and their connection to Japanese language and culture.

The school we found was not so creatively named, The Japanese Language School of Cleveland.

My wife and I loved this option—my kids—not so much.

It meant an extra day of school on Saturdays.

It was a weekly fight to get them to go.

The number one excuse was, "None of my other American friends have to go to school on Saturday!"

The number one response from my wife and me was, "You will thank us for this one day."

The result was they made some good friends and memories, as did my wife and I.

They continued their Japanese education.

Most importantly, the Japanese language was still part of their talent stack.

The Wichita Dilemma

Our stint in Cleveland was short-lived.

Career-wise, it was merely a stepping stone to get back to the United States quickly.

I soon found a new job and packed the family up again, moving to Wichita, Kansas.

My wife still reminds me that each time we move, we get further away from Tokyo, Japan.

Wichita is a quiet place.

It has everything we need.

Good schools. Trader Joes.  Whole Foods.

There are a few things we dislike.

It does not have a professional baseball school or a school funded by the Japanese government.

Wichita also has the prestigious award of being ranked as the second most boring city in the United States.

Cleveland has a relatively robust Japanese community, which opened the door to many opportunities for my boys to continue learning Japanese.

Not so much in Wichita.

We have had to focus on the Kumon lessons we have delivered from Japan, as well as a couple of online Japanese sensei that my boys meet with for one hour each week.

They fight us daily to do their Japanese Kumon.

They fight us once a week to attend their Japanese online class.

When I say "us," that means my wife.

My wife gets it.

This is where discipline matters most.

It’s not just about making them do Kumon or attend a class they resist.

It’s about showing them that discipline means doing the hard, consistent work even when it’s uncomfortable.

One day, they’ll realize we weren’t just passing down a language—we were passing down a mindset, a legacy of persistence and identity.

Discipline is how we pass down more than just our name.

I always joke with my boys that they will thank me someday when they meet some cute Japanese girl and they can talk to her and ask her out on a date.

Right now, they just roll their eyes, give me that “Ew, Dad” look, and go back to complaining about Kumon.ing

The Test

We’ve been back in the United States since 2020. I’ve been fortunate enough to fly my Japanese in-laws here twice and to send my wife and boys to Japan on two occasions.

Actually, as I write this newsletter, my wife and boys are in week four of their summer holiday in Japan.

When we first moved, our oldest was six and still remembered most of his Japanese. Our youngest was only four, and over the years, he’s acted like he’s forgotten most of it. Both of them complain about lessons—especially our youngest, who struggles the most with Kumon and online classes.

Before this trip, my in-laws visited us, and my boys were able to demonstrate just enough Japanese to have simple conversations. But the videos my wife has been sharing since they arrived in Japan have blown me away. The way they’re interacting with family, friends, and even storekeepers—confidently speaking and understanding Japanese—is incredible. 

It is not just quiet, timid conversations. They are demonstrating native level interactions.

After all the complaining, it is gratifying to see.

I am impressed and very proud of them.

I am very proud of the job my wife has done to remain disciplined, fight through all the complaints, and not allow my boys to lose their Japanese.

The Day Warrior Challenge

Consider the habits, values, and skills you want to instill in your children.

This week, take action:

Pick One Legacy Skill – Decide on a skill or value you want your children to inherit. Write down why it matters and the small steps you can take to build it into their lives.

Lead by Example – Model the discipline you want your kids to learn. Let them see you doing hard things, staying consistent, and following through even when it’s inconvenient.

Create a Family Non-Negotiable – Choose one simple habit everyone commits to—reading, learning, practicing a skill, or reflecting together. Consistency matters more than perfection.

Expose Them to New Worlds – Find one way to broaden your kids’ perspective this week. A cultural event, a new food, a language app, or a conversation about another country’s traditions.

Celebrate the Effort – Don’t just reward results—recognize when your kids show up and try, even when they don’t want to. Effort today becomes pride tomorrow.

Plan a Small Adventure – Since I just made you read through an entire newsletter about my family's successes in Japan, I figured I should include something about travel. Travel doesn’t have to mean hopping on a plane. Explore a new park, museum, hiking trail, or cultural event. Show your kids that growth happens when you step into unfamiliar places.

Your kids aren’t just watching what you say—they’re watching what you do. Show them that discipline builds more than success. It builds legacy.

A Few Final Thoughts

Legacy isn’t built in a day—it’s forged in the quiet, often thankless work of showing up, staying consistent, and doing what matters even when it’s hard.

My boys may not fully understand it yet. To them, Kumon feels like a chore, and online Japanese lessons feel like an annoyance. But discipline isn’t about instant gratification—it’s about planting seeds that grow long after the effort feels uncomfortable.

One day, they’ll look back and realize that the language we fought to preserve was more than words—it was connection, identity, and opportunity. It was proof that their parents cared enough to do the hard thing for their future.

Discipline is how we pass down more than just our name. It’s how we give our kids the tools, values, and identity to stand on their own and build lives of meaning. More than anything, it is the kind of inheritance worth leaving.

The Day Warrior

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