Growth Requires Brutal Honesty

Someone I follow on X (formerly Twitter) shared this quote. I hadn’t heard it before, but it struck me in a way that made me stop and think.

As a father and as someone striving to improve every day, it made me reflect deeply on what “truth” means to me.

Too often, we only embrace the truth when it’s convenient—when it supports our goals or doesn’t hurt our feelings.

Truth feels great when it validates us.

But what about when the truth hits us square between the eyes?

What about when it exposes our shortcomings or challenges the values we’ve held for years?

The Weak Man and The Strong Man

A strong man values truth above comfort. He would rather be corrected than be coddled. He sees truth—even when it stings—as fuel for growth. Lies waste his time, undermine his progress, and weaken his character.

A weak man, on the other hand, hides from the truth. He would rather be told what feels good than what is real. When confronted with uncomfortable facts, he gets defensive because it exposes his lack of discipline, responsibility, or courage.

I wish I could say that I am always the "strong man." I am often tested and find offense when I am told the truth. It is a daily reminder to look inward to our shortcomings, face our fears, and push for continuous improvements.

Why is this quote so important?

It is vital to embrace the truth because it reminds us:

1. Growth Requires Brutal Honesty.

Without the truth, you cannot course-correct. You will keep repeating the same mistakes, thinking you’re doing fine.

Years ago, my friends hit me square in the face, telling me I was going nowhere fast in Michigan and that I should attend school for a year in Japan. This led to a 22-year career in Japan and the Asia Pacific region that created personal value I cannot measure.

2. Truth Builds Resilience.

Facing the truth—even when it hurts—forces you to deal with reality head-on. This is how we grow tougher and wiser.

I learned long ago that I wanted to hear all truth, so that when you hear bullshit, you see it for what it is. I had a boss, years ago, tell me I was not a valued employee. Although not entirely accurate, it prompted me to break out of a rut and find my next job in Japan, which ultimately led to 16 years of professional growth.

3. Lies Keep You Weak.

If you surround yourself with people who only tell you what you want to hear, you’ll never rise above mediocrity.

When I attended school in Japan, I noticed that most foreigners at the school tended to hang out with other foreigners. I noticed that the conversations and interactions kept them stuck in their old reality and blocked them from experiencing Japan to its fullest. I stepped away from this lie, surrounded myself with Japanese friends, creating the foundation for a long and successful career in Japan.

4. Fatherhood Depends on Truth.

Our kids are watching how we handle hard truths. If we can’t face reality, how can we expect them to grow into strong, capable adults?

A trusted person in my life taught me that losing my temper in front of my kids was teaching them a bad habit through observation. It bruised my ego, but it was something I had to hear. Kids being kids can still piss me off, but I have learned to channel that into more productive activities like being more present in what they are doing.

5. Success Demands Feedback.

Every great athlete, leader, or entrepreneur relies on honest feedback. Lies may feel good in the moment, but they ultimately destroy long-term progress.

I was always an aggressive and opportunistic employee in my most successful role in Japan. I was always looking for the next improvement and opportunity to provide value. I would always walk into my boss's office and state, "Hey boss, I have this great idea!" He would always respond, "You have five priorities, what one is coming off the list to make time for the new one?" This boss taught me the value of focusing on a few things and getting results before moving on to the next great idea.

In a world full of social media clickbait, get-rich-quick ads, and fake news, how the heck do we find the truth?

How Do We Find the Truth?

Finding truth—especially the kind that challenges you—rarely happens by accident. You have to go looking for it, invite it in, and be ready to act on it.

It is also hard to uncover the truth if you do not want to find it.

Here are practical ways to uncover the truths that will help you grow:

1. Ask for Brutal Feedback from Trusted Sources

Seek out one or two people you respect who aren’t afraid to tell you the truth. Make it clear that you want the unfiltered version, not the sugar-coated one.

Take Action Today: Send a message to someone you trust: “I’m working on improving myself. Can you give me one thing you think I’m doing wrong—or could do better—right now?”

I have a group of men that I speak with regularly. We call our group Usque ad Finem. Usque ad Finem is a Latin phrase meaning “to the very end” or “up to the end”—often used to indicate persistence, endurance, or fighting until the end, especially in contexts like battle or commitment.

It expresses our pledge to continue, endure, or struggle without giving up, all the way to the conclusion or last limit—sometimes with an emphasis on unwavering dedication.

This is the group I can count on to be brutally honest, and I will keep them up to date with what I am working on.

2. Keep a Daily “Truth Journal”

Write down moments when you avoided facing a hard truth, got defensive, or felt uncomfortable. These moments are signposts pointing to areas for growth.

Take Action Today: Before bed tonight, write down one uncomfortable moment from today and what it taught you.

I have a newsletter that covers this topic: Write To Figure Out Where You Are Going.

When I started writing things down, a clear path began to emerge for me. A large barrier I thought I could not cross became smaller and easier to manage, allowing me to set and achieve milestones.

Writing things down can bring clarity. With clarity, you can often find your truth.

3. Question Your Default Beliefs

Many of our “truths” are inherited from family, friends, and culture, and are never examined. Challenge them. Ask: “Is this belief helping me or holding me back?”

Action Today: Pick one long-held belief and write down three reasons it might not be true.

Traveling around the world and living in Japan for over twenty years has allowed me to challenge long-held default beliefs I had. You learn about countries and cultures in school and from what you watch on television. What you see from a distance is often a narrow slice—sometimes romanticized, sometimes distorted.

Living in Japan showed me that much of what I thought I knew about work, community, and even daily life was incomplete or flat-out wrong. The reality was far more nuanced and, in many ways, far better than the stereotypes. This experience taught me that you can’t rely solely on secondhand information; you have to experience life directly to uncover the truth.

4. Put Yourself in a Difficult Situation On Purpose

Truth hides in the situations we avoid. If you only do what feels safe, you’ll only reinforce your current reality.

Take Action Today: Choose one thing you’ve been avoiding—making a difficult call, stepping on the scale, asking for help—and do it before the day ends.

Years ago, I had a very challenging employee in Japan. On the surface, he was a great guy—someone I’d happily have a beer with after work—but professionally, he was a constant source of problems. His performance was poor, his follow-through was weak, and his presence was dragging down the rest of the team.

He was one of those employees who understood that knowledge and data are power, and he leveraged them frequently. However, he was a single point of failure, causing his colleagues much stress as they struggled to get anything done—a data and information bully.

I avoided the issue for too long because it was uncomfortable, but eventually, I had to face the truth: keeping him was costing the team more than letting him go. I started by confronting the reality of his work, clearly documenting the issues, and creating a proactive plan to redistribute responsibilities. Firing him wasn’t easy, but it taught me a valuable lesson—when you see a problem like this, deal with it quickly. Waiting only makes the damage worse.

Some Final Thoughts

Growth isn’t built on comfort—it’s forged in the moments when we face the truths we’d rather avoid. As Epictetus said, “It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.” That’s why brutal honesty is so powerful—it forces us to admit what we don’t yet understand, so we can finally grow.

Brutal honesty isn’t about tearing yourself or others down—it’s about stripping away the illusions that hold you back. Every time you choose truth over comfort, you sharpen your character, strengthen your resilience, and set yourself apart from those content to live in denial.

The question is—what truth have you been avoiding?

Is it a difficult conversation you’ve been putting off?

Is it a habit you’ve been excusing?

Is it a goal you’ve been too afraid to pursue?

Whatever it is, confront it today. Don’t wait for the “right” time. The right time is when you decide that the cost of staying the same is greater than the discomfort of change.

Growth requires brutal honesty.

Not tomorrow.

Not next week.

Today.

The Day Warrior

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