There is a post from @Nithya_Shrii that says strangers will support you more than family ever will.
That really got me thinking from a @thedaywarrior perspective.
It sounds true. It has probably felt true to a lot of people reading it, in a specific moment, after a specific disappointment.
It does not hold up as a general rule, and it is worth being honest about why.
A stranger's encouragement is cheap to give. A family member's has usually cost something.
It sounds true. It has probably felt true to a lot of men reading it, in a specific moment, after a specific disappointment.
It does not hold up as a general rule, and it is worth being honest about why.
There is no standard rule for who helps you and who hurts you. The category was never the variable that mattered.
WHAT STRANGERS CAN OFFER
A stranger can be a genuine source of encouragement. Someone with no history, no old wounds, and no competing needs sitting underneath the interaction can sometimes see you more clearly than the people who have known you for decades.
That kind of support is real. It counts.
It is also incomplete on its own, because a stranger is usually responding to the version of you that made it into view. The highlight, the post, the ten seconds that got shared.
WHAT FAMILY CARRIES
Family relationships carry weight that strangers never have to carry. History. Old roles that are hard to update. Their own struggles sitting right next to yours.
That weight does not automatically make family support better. It also does not make it worse.
A family member who shows up imperfectly, after a hard history, still choosing to be there, has usually paid a price no stranger ever had to pay. That is worth recognizing when it is true.
THERE IS NO STANDARD RULE
This is the part most posts on this subject skip entirely.
Toxic people are not a family problem or a stranger problem. They show up in both categories. So do the people genuinely in your corner.
A stranger can be a lifelong ally you never expected. A family member can be someone you need real distance from. The category tells you almost nothing on its own. The person does.
Stop sorting people by where they came from. Start sorting them by what they actually do when it costs them something to show up for you, and by what it costs you to keep them close.
Be open to all versions of people that help you. Make the effort to stay away from those that hurt you.
That is the whole standard. Simple to state. Harder to apply honestly, because it requires looking at specific people instead of writing off or defending an entire category.
Do the harder work. Look at the individual, not the label.
継続は力なり.
Continuance is power.
Stay disciplined.
- The Day Warrior
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