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"Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it."
Most men believe the title does the work.
Get promoted. Get the office. Get the authority. Then lead.
That belief will cost you more than you realize.
I spent over two decades working across cultures, organizations, and teams in Japan and internationally. One of the clearest lessons I took from that time: the men with the most influence rarely had the loudest titles. They had the deepest trust.
When I walked into my leadership role for the Japan office, I had the title but not the automatic respect of the team. I did not force them all to learn English, I made the effort to communicate to them in Japanese. I lead through example, not just words. I celebrated their successes and took ownership for their failures.
Leadership is a relationship you build, one day at a time.
What Sérgio de Mello Understood
Sérgio de Mello was a UN diplomat who operated in some of the most difficult conflict zones on earth. Places where formal authority meant almost nothing. Where earning the cooperation of people who had no reason to trust you was the only path forward.
He did three things consistently.
He performed at a level people could see, invested in relationships before he needed them, and he used symbolic actions to communicate what words alone could not.
He understood that legitimacy has to be earned through behavior, and that influence flows toward the man who has earned it.
Most men in organizations spend years waiting for influence to arrive with the next promotion. It does not work that way.
The Gap Between Competence and Influence
There is a real difference between being technically excellent and being organizationally effective.
You can be the best operator in the room and still be ignored in the decisions that matter. This is a systems problem, not a fairness problem. The sooner that you realize that fairness in not a real thing in the real world, the better off you will become.
Organizations run on two tracks simultaneously. The formal track is the org chart. The informal track is where decisions actually get made.
Formal authority gives you permission to act. Informal credibility gives you the ability to actually move things.
Most high performers invest almost entirely in formal competence and wonder why influence eludes them. Building skills is necessary. It is not sufficient.
The men who lead well and build meaningful credibility through good relationships navigate both tracks deliberately.
The Belief That Creates Passivity
There is a belief that does real damage to capable men.
It goes something like this: do excellent work, stay humble, and the right people will notice. Recognition will follow merit. Patience will be rewarded.
This is something I have partially suffered through for years. I have always told myself that I do not seek the recognition an want to live on my own merit. That is if I work hard and am successful in what I do, the recognition will come.
This is partly true and dangerously incomplete.
Merit matters. Patience matters. But believing that results alone will carry you forward creates a particular kind of passivity. You wait. You keep your head down. You work harder in the same direction.
Meanwhile, the man who builds relationships, communicates his contributions clearly, and positions himself strategically moves ahead.
Waiting for the organization to be fair is not a strategy. Taking ownership of how you are perceived and positioned is.
This is sovereignty applied to professional life. You govern your outcomes. You do not outsource them to an organization and hope it notices.
Five Types of Power, and Where to Focus
Research by French and Raven identified five types of power that exist in organizations.
Position power comes from your title. Expert power comes from your knowledge. Reward power comes from your ability to give something others value. Coercive power comes from consequences you can impose. Referent power comes from who you are and how people feel in your presence.
Most high-performing men over-index on expert power. They know things. They deliver results. They demonstrate competence.
Referent power is the hardest to build and the most durable once earned. People follow you because they respect you, trust you, and want to be associated with what you stand for.
Referent power is built through consistency. Through doing what you say. Through being the same man in the hard moments as in the easy ones. Through investing in others without keeping score.
If you want lasting influence, this is where to put your effort.
Referent power is what I created working in Japan. I established credibility through the work I made, but I also built meaningful connection with the team at corporate and made it my business to meet all visitors that came to Japan. I became the guy people came to to have questions answer and work done.
The Practical Work
Building influence requires consistent, deliberate action over time.
With your team: show up for them before they need something from you. Recognize their contributions specifically. Invest time understanding what they are trying to build. Your credibility with them compounds when they see that you pay attention.
With peers and executives: make your contributions visible without making them political. Share what you have learned. Connect people who should know each other. Become someone who makes others more effective. That is service at a professional level.
For me, I have always found that asking people how can I help them without any strings attached, is a great way to build credibility. Especially if you can actually help them to solve the problems they are faced with.
Additionally, as I cited above, my international experience and cross-cultural work carried real weight. Most executives have not operated that way. That knowledge is genuinely scarce and I used it.
What Symbolic Actions Actually Do
Leadership communicates constantly, not just in words.
What you choose to show up for signals your priorities. Where you spend your time signals what you value. Who you stand beside in a difficult moment signals your character.
These are data points that people use to decide how much to trust you and how much to follow you.
A man who shows up consistently, keeps his word in small things, and remains calm under pressure sends a clear signal. Over time, that signal becomes his reputation. His reputation becomes his influence.
Legacy is built in repeated, daily behavior that other people can see and rely on.
I was still living in Japan in 2011 when the big Tohoku earthquake and Tsunami hit. I remember that day still being in downtown Tokyo waiting for a meeting. The trip that took only thirty minutes by car, took over eight hours to get home. Many of my foreign friend left Japan after that, I stayed and worked side by side with my team through the entire episode. That built a level of credibility that could not be measured.
The Shift Worth Making
Seeing organizational reality clearly is not cynicism.
Organizations are human systems. They are complex, political, and often unfair. Accepting that without bitterness gives you more room to operate effectively.
The man who understands the informal network, builds genuine relationships, and shows up with both competence and character has more options. He can move things. He can protect his team. He can create conditions where good work gets recognized.
That is mature leadership.
Build the skills. Build the relationships. Build the reputation.
Then lead.
- The Day Warrior
The Day Warrior | Discipline. Systems. Sovereignty.
One-Week Leadership Workbook
These activities are designed to be done one day at a time. Each one takes 15 to 30 minutes. No prep required beyond showing up with honesty.
Do the work. Write the answers down. The act of writing forces clarity that thinking alone does not.
Day 1 — Audit Your Current Influence
The work: Map your actual influence, separate from your title.
Answer these questions in writing:
List three decisions made in the last 90 days that directly affected your work. For each one, how involved were you in shaping the outcome — and why?
Who in your organization gets listened to most, regardless of their position? What do they do that you do not?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would your team rate your reliability — meaning you do what you say, when you said you would? What would they point to as evidence?
On the same scale, how would your peer executives rate you? Is there a gap between those two numbers? What explains it?
Close with this: Write one sentence describing the gap between your current influence and the influence your role requires.
Day 2 — Diagnose Your Power Profile
The work: Understand where your power actually comes from today.
French and Raven's five power types: Position, Expert, Reward, Coercive, Referent.
Answer these questions in writing:
Rank the five types from strongest to weakest as they apply to you right now. Be honest.
For your top two power types, write a specific example from the last 60 days that demonstrates each one in action.
For referent power specifically: Do people seek you out when they have a difficult decision to make? Do they advocate for you when you are not in the room? If not, what is missing?
Your international experience and M&A exposure are forms of expert power that most peers do not have. Write down three specific situations in the next 90 days where you could put that knowledge to visible use.
Close with this: Write one concrete action you will take this week to strengthen your referent power.
Day 3 — Map the Informal Network
The work: Understand how influence actually moves in your organization.
Answer these questions in writing:
Draw a simple map of the five to seven people in your organization who most shape decisions, regardless of title. Draw lines showing who influences whom.
For each person on your map, write one sentence describing your current relationship with them. Is it strong, neutral, or weak?
Identify the two people on that map you have the weakest relationship with and the most to gain from. What has prevented you from investing in those relationships?
Think about the last time a decision went a direction you did not want. Trace it back. Who influenced that outcome and how? What would you do differently now?
Close with this: Choose one person from your map and schedule a conversation with them this week. The only agenda is to understand what they are working on and what they need.
Day 4 — Inventory Your Symbolic Behavior
The work: Examine what your actions have been communicating.
Leadership communicates through behavior, not just intention. This day is about reading your own signal honestly.
Answer these questions in writing:
In the last 30 days, what did you show up for that you did not have to? What does that say about what you value?
Think of one moment in the last 60 days when you were under pressure. How did you respond? What did the people around you observe?
What does your calendar say about your actual priorities? Write down the top three things you spent time on last week. Are those the things that build your leadership or maintain it?
Think of one symbolic action you could take in the next two weeks that would communicate something important to your team about who you are as a leader. Write it down specifically.
Close with this: Commit to one symbolic action and put it on your calendar before you close this workbook today.
Day 5 — Confront the Passivity Audit
The work: Identify where you have been waiting instead of acting.
Answer these questions in writing:
Is there a contribution you have made in the last six months that went unrecognized? Write it down. Now write honestly: did you do anything to make that contribution visible to the right people, or did you assume it would be noticed?
Where have you been waiting for something to happen rather than taking steps to make it happen? Be specific.
List two decisions currently being made in your organization that you have a legitimate perspective on but have not yet weighed in on. What is stopping you?
Write down one professional outcome you want in the next 12 months. Now write the three proactive steps you have not yet taken to move toward it.
Close with this: Pick one item from question four and take the first step before the end of this week.
Day 6 — Build Your Relationship System
The work: Design a simple, repeatable system for maintaining key relationships.
Most men let important professional relationships drift because there is no system. Intention without structure produces nothing.
Answer these questions in writing:
List the eight to ten people most critical to your professional effectiveness over the next 12 months. Include team members, peers, and senior leaders.
For each person, write when you last had a substantive one-on-one conversation with them that was not about a specific task or deliverable.
For the people on that list you have not connected with in the last 60 days, write down one specific reason to reach out to each of them in the next two weeks. Make it about them, not you.
Design a simple maintenance system. What is a realistic cadence for staying in contact with the top tier of that list? Write it down and put it in your calendar as a recurring reminder.
Close with this: Send one message today to someone on your list that asks nothing of them and offers something instead. A useful article. A relevant connection. A specific recognition of something they did well.
Day 7 — Write Your 90-Day Leadership Plan
The work: Turn this week's reflection into a concrete plan.
Answer these questions in writing:
Based on the work you did this week, write the two or three most important things you learned about your current leadership and where the gaps are.
Write your single most important leadership priority for the next 90 days. One priority. Be specific enough that you will know in 90 days whether you achieved it.
For each of the five power types, write one action you will take in the next 90 days to develop it. Make each action concrete and time-bound.
What is the one relationship you most need to invest in over the next 90 days? Write what a stronger version of that relationship looks like and the first three steps to get there.
What behavior or habit is currently undermining your influence? Write it plainly. Then write what you will replace it with.
Close with this: Write a single paragraph describing the leader you intend to be 90 days from now. Keep it grounded. Make it something you can read back in 90 days and assess honestly.
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