“Your kids don’t hear what you say. They watch what you do.”
This week, I signed my oldest son up for a program called Apogee Young Men. The central theme is an online mentorship program that aims to turn today's young men into tomorrow's leaders.
I did the same program three years ago called Apogee Strong Dads.
This program focuses on some values that I hold dear and want my son to start thinking about as he heads into his teen years:
Mastering Self-Discipline - How to develop the habits and mindset that separate men from boys—consistency, responsibility, and self-control.
Overcoming Weakness and Self-Doubt - Recognizing the difference between genuine self-reflection and destructive self-criticism. Strategies to push past mental barriers.
Building Real-World Grit - How to toughen up mentally and physically—overcoming procrastination and taking bold action.
Being a Leader at Home - How to take an active role in your household—helping, leading, and setting the example.
Owning Your Time - Mastering self-management, setting priorities, and developing a daily routine that breeds success.
Mastering Financial Independence - Understanding money, how to make it, manage it, and leverage it for future success.
Taking Responsibility for Your Actions - Understanding that your choices create your future—learning to own mistakes and correct course when necessary.
Strength in Body and Mind - Building physical and mental toughness through fitness, endurance, and resilience training.
The Power of Your Word - Why integrity and honesty define a man. Learning to be reliable, trustworthy, and follow through on commitments.
The Gentleman’s Code - Mastering respect, manners, and presence. The Manners Matter Challenge—eye contact, strong handshake, and commanding respect in any room.
The course does this through:
Conversations — Weekly Socratic discussions that train clear thinking, respectful disagreement, and disciplined dialogue.
Weekly Schedule — A structured weekly plan covering goals, projects, workouts, reading, and responsibilities — reviewed for accountability.
Reading — One book per month, broken into weekly targets and reinforced through squad check-ins.
Fitness — A consistent training plan with measurable challenges. Progress tracked. Excuses removed.
Projects — One monthly project designed to build leadership, competence, and self-direction.
Challenges — A monthly character challenge documented through action, reflection, and proof.
This will be a very challenging course for my son.
The reading level is hard.
It is not a grade-level scoring like he is used to in school.
It is not really something he can compete on his own at this age, so I am taking the course and re-designing it slightly to fit my family's needs and goals.
I will do some of the course with him side by side so he can observe how I am approaching many of the challenges, time management, and tracking.
That was a long-winded intro to get to the actual purpose of this newsletter.
You Are The Foundation
Kids don’t build their lives on luck.
They don’t build them on talent.
They don’t build them on chance.
They build them on you.
Not on what you say.
Not on what you promise.
Not on the big moments you plan.
They build it on what you do every day.
Your discipline.
Your mood.
Your consistency.
Your reactions.
Your example.
That becomes the foundation on which their entire future stands.
My son is entering that stage of his life where he doesn’t stop needing his mother, but starts needing me, his father, differently.
Boys look to their mothers for comfort early.
They look to their fathers later for standards.
A boy asks his mother if he is loved.
He asks his father — usually in silence — if he is capable.
The Truth Most Fathers Miss
Most fathers think their kids only remember the highlights:
Vacations
Birthday gifts
Big accomplishments
Those moments matter, but they are not the foundation.
The foundation is built quietly.
Every morning you get up.
Every night you come home tired.
Every time something goes wrong.
Brick by brick.
Habit by habit.
Reaction by reaction.
Whether you’re intentional about it or not.
And here’s the part I’ve been thinking deeply about lately.
My oldest son turns twelve soon.
That age matters.
It’s the age where boys begin shifting — quietly — from seeking comfort to seeking competence.
From asking “Do you love me?” to wondering “Am I capable?”
That shift doesn’t happen automatically.
It needs guidance.
It needs standards.
It needs a father who is willing to step forward deliberately.
Instead of leaving this transition to chance, I’ve decided to approach it intentionally.
I’m going to walk through the Apogee Young Adults course with him.
Not to lecture.
Not to pressure.
I have already explained to him that this is not a pass-or-fail type of course.
It is designed to encourage him to think differently about this and become more self-aware.
It allows us to build frameworks together — around discipline, responsibility, clear thinking, and real-world capability.
Because if I don’t help set the standard, someone else will.
Friends will.
Teachers will.
Culture will.
I’d rather be early, present, and deliberate than reactive later.
The foundation is already being poured.
My job now is to make sure it’s strong enough to stand on.
What Your Kids Are Really Watching
Your kids are always watching — especially when you think they aren’t.
They’re watching:
How you handle stress
How you speak to their mother
How you show up when you’re exhausted
How you work when no one is watching
How you recover from mistakes
How you treat strangers
How you react when life punches back
How you lead yourself
They’re not studying your highlight reel.
They’re studying your foundation.
They’re learning what “normal” looks like.
The Silent Transfer of Standards
Your kids don’t inherit your words.
They inherit your standards.
If you quit when things get uncomfortable, they learn that quitting is acceptable.
If you blame others, they learn avoidance.
If you numb yourself with distractions, they learn to escape.
But if you:
Take responsibility
Control your emotions
Stay consistent when motivation fades
Do the hard thing anyway
They learn strength without you ever giving a lecture.
You don’t raise kids.
You set the standard they’ll live by.
This is why the Apogee Young Adult course matters right now.
As my oldest approaches his teen years — the age when boys begin shifting toward internal standards rather than external praise — I want to give him intentional frameworks that reinforce what I’m trying to model at home.
Traditional schools do not teach this, and I am not sure he can pick it up merely by observation.
Here’s how Apogee complements that transfer:
Purposeful Challenges Over Comfort - The curriculum is built around real-world challenges — from mastering confident presence to leading in front of a group — so boys learn that competence is earned, not handed out.
Structured Growth, Not Random Influence - With monthly goals like reading classic texts, tracking progress, and having real discussions, the program reinforces disciplined habits — the same habits I want him to see lived out daily.
Brotherhood and Accountability - Being surrounded by other young men striving toward excellence helps counter the pull of mediocre standards outside the home. It teaches him that high standards aren’t weird — they’re normal among men of action.
Thinking Over Reacting - Apogee’s focus isn’t on telling boys what to think — it’s on training them how to think, especially under pressure. This aligns perfectly with what I’m trying to model: emotional discipline, calm decision-making, and intellectual courage.
Real Progress Tracking - From fitness milestones to leadership portfolios, boys learn to visualize progress, not just hope for it — echoing the Day Warrior principle that growth is measurable, not mystical.
Again, this is all about being more deliberate about my son's transfer from being a kid to becoming a young adult.
My goal has always been to set an example that is strong enough that my kids will learn to filter out bad models rather than copy them. Pairing that example with a deliberate mentorship structure like Apogee makes that transfer far more intentional than leaving it to chance.
Standards aren’t absorbed by accident — they’re built with direction, consistency, and challenge.
Countering the World Outside Your Home
Every father eventually faces this reality:
You are not the only teacher in your son’s life.
Friends model behaviors you wouldn’t choose.
Schools often reward compliance over competence.
Culture celebrates comfort, shortcuts, and emotional reactions.
All the parents in our current circle of friends are dealing with the fallout from a Roblox game called "Steal a Brainrot". Players collect characters that generate in-game currency, but others can steal them, making stealing and protecting the core game loop. This creates a cycle of chasing wins and avoiding losses, with emotional reactions when things go wrong.
A lot of fallout from the game recently. Kids blocking other kids. Mean words are being said—Hurt and angry feelings. All the parents are talking about stopping the game altogether. But that is not real life. We cannot shield our kids from everything that is not good for them.
We can give him something more substantial than protection.
You can give him filters. I have laid some groundwork for how to filter things for my boys. But I have not covered everything deliberately.
That’s where the Apogee Young Adult program becomes relevant — not as an escape from the world, but as training for navigating it.
Here’s how it directly counters what’s learned outside the home:
It teaches how to think, not what to think - Instead of passively absorbing ideas, the program emphasizes discussion, questioning, and reasoning. This helps him evaluate what he hears at school or from peers rather than accepting it by default.
It replaces peer pressure with peer standards - Instead of being surrounded by kids drifting toward the lowest common denominator, he’s surrounded by young men who are expected to show effort, discipline, and leadership. High standards become normal.
It rewards responsibility, not compliance - Outside the home, success often comes from following instructions and staying quiet. Apogee emphasizes ownership, initiative, and execution — skills that actually transfer to real life.
It builds competence instead of confidence theater - Rather than empty praise, the program pushes measurable growth — reading, fitness, projects, speaking, and challenges. Confidence comes from doing hard things, not being told you’re special.
It reinforces character through action - Monthly challenges require reflection, documentation, and follow-through. This teaches that values aren’t slogans — they’re behaviors practiced under pressure.
It aligns with, rather than replaces, fatherly leadership - Most importantly, this isn’t outsourcing influence. Walking through the program together allows me to reinforce our family’s standards while giving him exposure to disciplined mentorship beyond our home.
The goal isn’t to control every influence.
The goal is to raise a son (kids) who can recognize weak standards, reject them, and choose better ones.
If the foundation at home is strong — and the framework around him is intentional — outside influence loses its power.
That’s how you counter the world without fighting it.
This Isn’t About Perfection
Your kids don’t need a perfect father.
They need a stable one.
A man who:
Owns his mistakes
Apologizes when he’s wrong
Gets back up quickly
Keeps his word
Lives by principles, not moods
Strength isn’t never falling.
Strength is showing them how to stand back up.
Every time you choose discipline over comfort, you reinforce the foundation beneath their feet.
That’s generational work.
I’ve been very clear with my son about how I want him to approach the Apogee Young Adults program.
This is not an activity aimed at perfection.
It’s not another box to check.
It’s not a pass-fail grade like school.
This is about exposure and ownership.
Learning new ideas he won’t always see in a classroom.
Seeing approaches outside the standard school path.
Learning more about exercise, discipline, and how the body works.
Practicing how to think, speak, and act with intention.
There are no gold stars here.
The standard isn’t perfection — it’s participation with effort.
The scorecard isn’t a letter grade — it’s personal accountability.
The goal is simple:
Show up
Try new things
Reflect honestly
Take responsibility for your own progress
That’s a muscle that school doesn’t train very well.
These are all things we have been teaching at home, but this is all about being more deliberate as our son becomes a young adult.
The Day Warrior Question
One day, your kids will build lives of their own.
And when they do, they won’t remember every speech you gave them.
They’ll remember:
How safe it felt to watch you handle pressure
How calm you stayed when things went wrong
How hard you worked when no one was watching
How you treated the people closest to you
So here’s the question worth sitting with this morning:
Is the version of you today strong enough to support the future they’re building?
Build carefully.
Build consistently.
Build with intention.
They’re standing on it already.
The Day Warrior
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